Culmination!

Finally, I get to put all my acquired beer drinking skills to a good cause...well...a cause....a self serving one. Kinda. My buddy Kurt is getting married next year. He's opting to have cash bar, as most of their family members (aka Killjoys) won't drink enough to warrant the low low price of $5.75 for the first hour, $5.25 for the second, and $4.75 for the third. Why he let me see the menu, I'm not quite sure, although I did abstain from picking out entrees.
However, he has assured me that he will be picking up the tab for those in the wedding party. While this is a kind gesture, it is not my concern, as I will get drunk at Stoudt's no matter what the cost, whether I need smuggle in a flask, blow a wad of cash, lose a limb, or promise my firstborn to a life of servitude. It's everyone else that be to be intoxicated, as to make my impending words and deeds seem borderline socially acceptable.
So here's the plan. I need to prove to Kurt that it will be cheaper to pay for everyone to have open bar than it will be to pay tab. If we figure 150 people at the wedding, the hourly rates add up to $15.75 per person for three hours of open bar. That would be $1,575 dollars for 100 people, plus half of that for another 50, which is, (let's see...750 is half of 1500, and half of 75 is like...38ish...785...plus 1575...2200....carry the 1....160)....about $2360? I could use a calculator, but I like approximate mental math, and as I type what I think, there it is.
So, let's say 5 bucks a beer, 5 goes into 2 G's 400 times, into three hundred 60 times, and into sixty 12 times....so 472 beers. In 3 hours. I'm confident...and if I can only get down 400 some beers in 3 hours, i'll remind him how much of a tip he'll need to leave on 400 beers.

Ah, my first anonymous criticism on this site...take it easy...I don't want any puppy mills, as I find the vast majority of dogs incredibly annoying. They used to breed dogs on a farm behind me...they would all get each other barking...I hated that puppy mill, and all the dogs in it.
I like independent, low maintenance animals such as cats and fish. Just so long as they have food and water (especially the fish), and they wouldn't care if they never saw you. I wouldn't want a pet dog cheap, expensive, or free. If I wanted a noisy pet that drools and needs tending every few hours for exercise and to go to the bathroom I'd have a kid...or maybe a second coal stove so that I could use any puppies that might wander into the house as kindling.
Speaking of which, I left the stove burning overnight by itself for the first time, I was thinking about it so much I could barely have a good time. The party started at 8...I didn't leave until 10 so that it wouldn't be burning untended for as long. I woke up at 7am to be sure I would get home in time to take care of it....I wonder how old a kid would have to be before it could be in charge of a coal stove....

Some Puppy Mills!

...while from what I understand, Puppy Mills are bad, but I also don't want to pay premium prices for my dogs (if I did for some reason want a dog)...do you think we could reach some sort of compromise, such as some puppy mills? And does someone make a sign that represents such that I could put in my yard?

Jacy is gross. Or Dedicated.

My sister started reading my blog, so for some reason I feel ok to pick on her here because it's not behind her back...but yeah, she is all about drinking cocacola red caps to enter to win free coke and prizes. To the point where I can't buy her a case of cans, as she wants the lids.

The thing is, it's not the quantity. She drinks one bottle every 3 or 4 days, which means it must be syrup-flat. The coal stove also keeps the living room at 82-85 degrees, meaning her soda, which she likes to drink at room temp, is in the mid-eighties.

However, she has polished off about 8 in this manor, so she is getting a coupon for a free coke. Although they could just ship it to her, as she wouldn't mind it being warm from being in the mail.

Dan Shaw the Cat.

Loki the cat spends about 23 hours a day under my sister's bed. The only reason I know it leaves is because every morning the litter box is full and the food dish is emptied, and it falls upon me (who did not want a cat) to reverse both situations. From time to time I catch Loki in the living room, usually around midnight when I go out to the kitchen for some water. He freezes, stares, and runs for cover.

Dan Shaw also sleeps about 23 hours a day, also usually not on a bed, but on a pile of dirty comforters and pillows strategically located an equidistant between a TV and air conditioner. He also sleeps all day, and will usually only be seen out of his nest when he's headed to the fridge or bathroom (this only occurring if all his old iced tea bottles have been filled with urine or dip spit.)

On second thought, I would like to apologize to cats, as they clean themselves and bury their bodily waste.