Jared M. Good Home for Wayward Ruggers

It's been a little while. The week at the shore ended spectacularly, with Dan "Sea Mammal" Shaw and me going Kayaking in the ocean. Ten-year-old Krista repeatedly reported to us that Dan "sucks" (her words, not mine) at paddling. I thought this would only be semi true...however, it was very true. We were kayaking for 3 hours, a trip that I think I could have made in 1 given the amount of time I spent paddling back out to Dan in order to make sure that his progress was sufficient enough not to warrant his mom calling the coast guard to come get us.

We saw a pod of dolphins. I hoped they were friendly, but not too friendly, as I think they would have flipped my unsteady kayak if they jumped over it. Dan said he never felt so close to his kin.

Then I went to Alexandria for a weekend with Muhammad Aubri, who does not approve of that nickname. Probably the first time I can report being happy and care free in a long time.

In other news, the UCR team was kicked off campus for preseason due to partying on the first night, so Huggy has taken up an internship at the Jared M. Good home for Wayward Ruggers. We've been running 1-2 miles every night, plus walking about another, so he is somewhat in training. Not only will he be ready for rugby matches, but also for drinking Pabst and sleeping on a sofa.

Dan's Mom's Misconceptions

Dan went for a jog today, he was gone for about two hours, causing some concern for his well being, as Dan's mom claimed that Dan had "not run in two months" and "weighs almost as much as me." We had to inform her that Dan had not run in what was closer to two years, and had, in fact, probably surpassed her in weight in the mid 90s.

She called the hospital to see if they had admitted anyone wearing a yellow nascar bandana. However, we felt certain that he would not be at the hospital, as the hospital does not serve icecream.

Apparently, his jog included someone yelling "hustle fatass!"

one fish, two fish, red fish, SHARK!

So I was swimming yesterday, if you want to call it that, as we're by the bay (no watermelons growing from what I can tell) and the water is fairly shallow. Anyways, we're out there and I felt something large brush against both my legs, I could feel it had some girth to it, and it was obviously big enough to span my stance. and it was kinda warm.

then today some guy in a boat told Berber that they had seen a shark, so maybe one touched me.

Kristin: "touched by a shark" sounds like an awesome TV show.
Goody: yeah, but it wouldn't be. It would just me giving dan a scared look, realizing he's too far away to touch me with his leg and going "something just touched me. something big." and rapidly exiting the water and peering back at it looking for a fin for 45 minutes.

this and that

nothing too spectacular. Slept till noon, rested my sunburn today, I have a nice stripe on me where I fell asleep yesterday morning with my arms folded on my stomach. I'll see if I can get a pic.

Last night we went to rehobeth.
Goody: "Dude, seriously, what were you thinking when you put on that fucking straight brimmed hat and plaid shorts, were you trying to look as douchey as possible?"
Random Kid: "You're wearing a vest."

Alex Morra should be coming down to add to the excitement tonight. We're building a fire in celebration, and perhaps sacrificing the contents of Jenna's stomach if all goes well, despite the memorandum prohibiting vomiting posted momma Shaw.

Goody: "I hope everyone on this beach understands that it's perfectly fine to take a leak in public just so long as you take a knee..."
Dan: "I'd be more worried about the people on the ferry"
Goody: "You were there when the girls I coach were shocked by a guy pissing at the tourney?"
Dan: "yeah, although a rugby field is the only place before today that I saw someone do that, although you are wearing rugby shorts."
Goody: "I think rugby shorts are key to the process."
Dan: "I think a lack of shame and a lack of a need for privacy are key to the process."
Goody: "and 5 beers."

After a bought of drinking Berber made it the worst brother's day ever by fighting with his brother. Dan responded by sleeping till 1, and then deciding to go get something to eat.

Due to the snoring involved with this choice of action, I went and slept on the beach from nine to noon and am now somewhat burned.

Danny Dan: Tomorrow is going to be the best brother's day ever.
Berber: I don't know if I can drink tomorrow
Danny Dan: What's tomorrow?
Berber: ....Brother's day....

ALSO: in what was by far THE most spectacular event I have ever witnessed, Krista, age 10, after being thrown by Dan into the ocean multiple times while she was clinging to him for security, blow a massive load of clear, yet gooey, snot onto the back of Dan's neck.

.

Berber: how about instead of a nap we go to the bar?
Goody: how about we freak out after we go to bed early and someone comes to have fun?
Berber: I only got mad because you tried to stick your balls in my mouth after you got back from the bar
Dan: that was before we went to the bar
Berber: no, mom was in bed, it was like 3:30.
Berber: it must have been both.

Sunday Update

went to a bar last night, where some lady talked to Dan a lot about being from Media, it was pretty uneventful, other than dan ordering the world's gayest drink involving whipped cream. We walked home, trying out a few shortcuts through fields which resulted in walking back to the road the way we came.

We've been lazing around the house, I've filled an empty soda can with Rye and packed up my hammock, Dan has disappeared, but we're planning on packing some beers, going to the beach and getting to work.

10:30

Rickshaw Shawnshaw Shaw-Shaw (Dan): "Did Berber go to bed?"
Mrs. Shaw: "Yeah, she's not feeling well...I think it might have been the tomato, how much did he drink?"
Rickshaw Shawnshaw Shaw-Shaw: "2 beers."

Top Ten Reasons Berber is Extremely Hated

10. Leaped onto my "weight sensitive" hammock
9. Broke a bottle rocket.
8. Clumsily pulled out my laptop, GPS and phone charger in a matter of 8 seconds. The outlets are hard to get to.
7. Passed out early
6. Constant "I don't feel well" pungent farts
5. Lack of Tactical vest
4. Mouth Breathing
3. "On our way to Cape May"
2. Locked us out on the 2nd story deck, then came out without unlocking the door, chronically locking us all out
1. Wasted a tomato.

Back story:
Mrs. Shaw: "Does anyone want anything?"
Berber: "Can I just have a tomato?"
Mrs. Shaw: "Sure, just sliced?"
Berber: "yeah"
...ten minutes later
Berber: "Hey mom, where's that tomato?"
Mrs. Shaw: "You're not going to waste one if you're just going to drink beer!"

A Room with a View.

From Dan's Bed:


From my Bed:


I can't help but feel that Dan got the bed with a better view, as evidenced here...

This is now a multimedia blog.

Hopefully I can get through this post. Berber is in our room farting up a storm. Here is Berber in his Dan waking uniform, which he wore the entire trip down. I kept to the right hand lane.

After coercing Dan out of bed, we spent the next two hours getting him to pack and put on pants.
I then spent the next three hours stop and go all the way down with Dan yelling in my ear.
Dan: I'm really excited for the schwarzlager to come out.
Goody: Whats the schwarzlager?
Dan: It's a black german lager.
Goody: I had assumed from the name, whats so great about it?
Dan: Well Bavaria set purity laws set in the 1500's regulating (I zoned out here for about 5 minutes) and these laws extended to all of Germany (zoned out for 10 minutes) but now they don't apply them to beers made for export such as Beck or Heineken.
Goody: I'm afraid to get you started, but what did any of that have to do with that beer you were talking about?

Me trying to blend into the walls in an attempt to not be seen with Dan.

Travelshawcity.com

We woke Dan around 9am after picking the lock to the door. Berber in his frog hat and tactical vest confiscated Dan's blanket to reveal his lack of pants. After arguing with their parents about loading kayaks, cleaning feret cages, taking out their trash, throwing away spitters, moving their cars, and hearing Berber sing "On the Way to Cape May" in a bullfrog voice for several hours, we were on the road about 11am.
To conserve battery life of my GPS (the cigarette lighter in my car quit working), I allowed Dan to give me initial directions, being that we had to stop at his bank. After going through some back alleyways, we arrived at 11:04am behind a Rita's where Dan hopped out, reminiscent of a young, 270lb. Dan Shaw to purchase "sustenance."

8:45

Berber: Apparently Dan was wasted at 5am this morning.
Goody: Well yeah, no shit.
Berber: Oh, did he come try to get you drunk?
Goody: Surprisingly, no.

7:15 am

I wake to make small water. Brenden "I wake up everyday at 6:15 no matter what" Shaw is snoring. Dan never arrived last night, and I have a lingering hunch that he has yet to pack...however, this is a bright yellow McNabb throwback jersey and a pair of pajama pants in a laundry basket...maybe he did.

12:30

an hour has passed...no sign or word of rickshawshawnshawshawshaw. I expect this to be about par for the week.

Berber's Basement Bedroom

Got here to the Shawshack about 2 hours ago. exactly 2 hours ago now that I look at the clock. I've had a few big beers with berber, we're still waiting for dan to get home, who claimed he would be off around 10. If we get up in a timely fashion, we can make the dogfish brewery tour tomorrow.

Berber, who was reading over my shoulder, just chomped his teeth at me. When I said "what was that," he responded: "I don't know, I'm Iceman."

We're off to a start.

Shaw shaws seashaws by the Shawshore. Shaw.

I'm headed to the beach for a week with former roommate Danial Shaw, future father of Rickshaw Shawnshaw Shaw-Shaw. Oh, and his entire family will be there, which should make this much more interesting.
The Shaw parents love me for some reason which I cannot understand, as I cannot help but feel partially responsible for introducing Dan to the rugby team.
Also along will be Jenna, who despite living with Dan for a year and having been to the Shaw household on numerous occasions, I believe I have seen once, sitting in a car. Dan claims to have friends dating back to high school who have seen her less.
Krista, the youngest sister, is terrified of me. Both of the Shaw girls work part time for Dan, who offers them pittances to do what he's too lazy to do, which is just about everything from cleaning feret cages to getting food from the fridge, so I can only imagine they're in a higher tax bracket than Dan.
Also playing a prominent role in this fiasco will be Berber and Kate Re. With their help, my only memories of this trip will be from blog posts...assuming I can a)type b)steal interweb.

Previous quotes to prelude this trip (we need a name. suggestions? Swimmin' with the Shaws?)

Dan: "My mom was mad that I didn't give her 24 hours notice that I was coming to see you so that she could cook you food."
Goody: "My mom loves me more than you."
Dan: "She said your long hair makes you look like a European model."

Krista (having not ever seen Goody with any hair): "Who are you?"
Goody: "Goody."
Krista: (shrieks and runs behind a group of friends who follow her out of the room.)

Aight, I'm gonna get out of here. Lata suckas.

Iggy & the Stooges

So I'm hanging around on Saturday, and Dana mentions that she had won tickets to go see Iggy & the Stooges open for the Killers that evening, but she was probably not going to go for some stupid reason that I don't quite understand, and while I'm thankful for the tickets, still can't help but question her devotion to Iggy Pop.

Anyways, the show was great, Iggy has somehow lived to 61, but overall it was a very weird experience. I'm used to big sell-out stadium shows, with parking lots brimming with denim, camo, and black t-shirts. It was a bit shocking to find ample parking, as many spaces are usually lost to canopies flying confederate flags. No one in the parking lot even tried to get me stoned as we walked in, or even offered a shot of cheap warm vodka from a solo cup.

Inside was more bizzare. It may have been me, having never been sober to a concert before, but I can't imagine how people thought they were going to mosh with all the blankets and lawnchairs all over. Not to mention little kids running around, maybe there would be a kiddy mosh pit or something.

Anyways, after watching a shitload of 15-19 year olds hop wildly up and down to four poppy Killers' songs did I didn't know, Sean and I left, as some of us have to be up for work from time to time.