Brave, Stupid, or...

I know a family that had 2 healthy, happy, bratty kids. Then they decided to have a third. After several miscarriages, stillborns and a doctor telling them that it is not advisable for them to conceive again, they had another kid. "Special" and wheelchair bound for life, the kid had a wheels strapped to him to just to crawl. Just now I saw that went ahead and had a 4th child, which I don't quite understand. You love your kids no matter what (while I don't have a kid to know this, my parents love me, and I'm me, which is definitive proof in my book,) but I don't know what goes through people's minds. They're either brave, stupid, or just plain don't believe in birth control.

Lex wins

after reviewing all the submissions, Lex has come out the clear winner, although he did make me promise not to relate the counter to people being eaten by tigers. (for those of you who don't know, a mutual friend (kurt) and I made an over/under bet on lex being eaten by a tiger in 2 weeks.) Having the over, all I need is for Lex to be eaten by a tiger(s), which includes the Detroit, and I win 50 bucks.

All the more reason I should devote this blog to befriending Mike Tyson.

Lex Sucks

Anyone who can tell me how to get a visitor counter on the blog will receive either their name mentioned in a post, or a promise that I will never mention them by name in a post.

Oh...my rice is done...I thought the beeping was on tv, so I ignored it...I only realized it's not on the tv due to the fact that not every commercial would feature a truck backing up.

Mérge à trois

How are people such horrible drivers? I understand that some people, such as Asians, women, and folk originating from states starting with the word "New" (under this system, our nation's capital is now New Washington D.C.), cannot help it, but I seriously think that there needs to be some sort of more selective process in gaining a driver's license.

Driving down to see my sister involves several construction areas, and I don't think people understand how to merge. Even though the sign says "use both lanes until merge point," no one gets that if they form a single file as opportunities become available, there is no longer a set merge point and traffic can flow through the narrowing without interruption rather than having 2 lines and stopped people trying to edge into the moving lane, causing that lane to stop as well. However, just last night I realized how foreign that concept is to people.

We were in the usual back up from people's lack of knowledge, and I used the stopped traffic to dick with my ipod, as I was traveling without a personal assistant to DJ and send txt messages for me. Just before the merge point, we were moving slowly, and I just let the car idle forward so the 3 cars in the other lane could pull forward. Not being used to someone actually allowing them in, they hesitated, and the 3rd care, seeing that I was not going, swerves over and jams on the gas, then the brakes, effectively blocking out the other 2 people trying to merge and making everything pointless.

On one major highway by my house, they're clearing all the brush back about a hundred feet from the road for one reason or another, something about needing more room for billboards. Anyways, they have everyone merge down to one lane, which usually goes fairly smoothly (all assholes considered,) and we all go our way down the road at a reasonable rate of speed. Until we approach someone working. Keep in mind this is not work where men in orange shirts are right next to you in danger of being sideswiped, everything is well back off the road. But we need to look, watch, rubberneck, and to take it all in, slow down to 15 miles per hour. More spectacular is even when the crews have gone home for the day, the phenomenon continues as people continue to slow to gawk at the still equipment.

Also: If a stoplight for whatever reason quits working, it will often default to flashing red and flashing yellow. Flashing yellow means proceed with caution (aka "Warning! Cross traffic has a flashing red and don't know what to do!") Flashing red should be treated just like a stop sign. I came to one the other day, it was chaos. People with a flashing red just driving slowly through the intersection, people with the yellow stopping while informed drivers at the red were also stopped.

I want to start imposing a traffic system that involves me running you off the road, knocking on your window, demanding your license and promising to return it when you've written a letter explaining why you lack the skills necessary to operate a motor vehicle and how you plan to correct the problem. After receipt of this letter, I will continue to hold your license until I feel like dealing with rummaging through the pile of confiscated licenses and mailing it (your license could come back in a day, could be 3-8 weeks), and return your license.

-imagined conversation-
"Hey dude, want to come hang out?"
"Can't. That Goody dude has my license...I drove 4 blocks with my turn signal on."

Oh, and some dude ran a red, pulled in front of a truck, causing it to swerve head on into my family's car. He also sucks at driving and will soon face consequences, whether they be with the law, litigation, or a concrete saw.

rugby

I think I can finally apply rugby to real life in words,
While I hate to admit it, sometimes you get hit so hard from a blindside, the ball gets knocked loose, and if you're fortune enough that you don't knock it on, there's only so much you can do:
1) Lay there and wonder what just happened...chances are you'll lose possession.
2)Grab onto the ball and get a penalty...no use doing nothing with what just happened.
3)Get back on you feet, pick up the ball, and continue forward. Seriously, what else can you do. No matter how hard you get knocked down, you need to get back up, regain possession and carry on. If you need a friend or teammate...they well always be there in support...you can pass it off and let them carry the load for a bit, but you need to stay in support of them and regain the ball.

This is a little bit sentimental, but after all the support I've gained from teammates, friends and family...from my early days with Warwick to my "it's not gay, it's rugby" Bearcox back to coaching the Swarm, thank you all for the support. It's been a heavy load, and it's great to know everyone is there cheering Jacy and me on to score that try.

Patience is a virtue....

I made my latest impulse buy today (no, this isn't a post about the $6 tub I bought at walmart that should hold a keg so I no longer have to rent one. Or the GPS. Or the automatic shower cleaner thinger, which I've already been sprayed in the eyes because I wanted to see if it really does target corners...maybe I should ask about that trust fund.)
After driving back from the Trappe after being in Malvern monday, Malvern and back Tues, down Wednesday and back today, then realizing how hard it is to dig for change while keeping myself entertained while driving, and I came home and bought an EZ Pass online. Which brings me to my topic.
Is internet shopping truly an impulse buy? On one hand, it's the epitome of impulse. You get the urge and you don't even need to go anywhere, leave the house, or do anything. On the other, it lacks a key factor to impulse purchases: instant gratification. Now I have to wait an indiscriminate number of days until the EZ Pass arrives. Is it the spending of money that makes it an impulse buy, or receiving the goods that releases the impulse endorphins? Maybe internet shopping both gives you the thrill of buying something, followed by the anticipation of waiting for it to arrive. Whatever it is, I'm $300 richer due to the new iPhone only being sold in stores.

Evolution

I bought a GPS the other week. Between running to see Jacy and probably crashing at various people's houses, going down to Virginia to see Aubrey (who, hearing the stern GPS lady voice tell me what to do, realized she too can boss me around) and finding my way to familiar places, I can't be distracted by trying to read directions from google maps hastily written on a cardboard flap from a beer case. I need my hands free to steer, find songs on the ipod, light cigarettes, balance slushies, send text messages, change which station the ipod is playing on, and switch chargers to keep everything up and running.
But the GPS really does help. Last night I couldn't have checked the mail without it. I arrived home around 2am (no, not because I stayed at the bar until last call...I was at a bar that was an hour away, thank you), and had my hands full with various devices and charger, and being unable to reach my cell to use as a flashlight, I managed my way using the glow of the GPS.
Just tonight, rather than stumbling back to my room in the dark, I used my computer screen to find my way, which lead me to another thought...with all of these light emitting devices so close at hand, I'm never going to evolve into anything bioluminescent. Depressing really.

Also, next time I go to a concert and want to ruin the entire evening for everyone, instead of a lighter, do I hold up a cell phone or something else?

Family Guy

Well, I don't think Jacy should be allowed to watch Family Guy anymore. When she gets agitated, she includes anything she hears into conversation, and tonight we had family guy on.

Jacy: "Jared, should I call them for a gay orgy in the living room? I don't have to call them if you don't want to, but I think we should call them for the orgy. I'll call Bill Clinton for you for a gay orgy in the living room."

and later

Jacy: "If you guys need to expose my boobs to the nachos you can."
Goody: "I don't think it will come to that, but I'll keep you in mind i it does."
Jacy: "Thank you. Thank you for keeping me in mind if you need me to expose my boobs to the nachos."

Karma

Yeah, all those times I told people I couldn't do simple favors for them because of then hilarious excuses such as "I'm having major surgery on my intestines" or "my family was ran over by a milk truck" have really come back to bite me in the ass, as people oft do not believe me that my family was in fact ran over by a milk truck.

The latest example being my sister:
Jacy: "Jared, where are mom and dad, are they alive?"
Goody: "Jacy, I'm sorry, they're not. They were in the same car as you."
Jacy: "Thats not funny."

I was born in a small town...

Yeah, so approximately last year I was hanging out with (let's be honest, trying to bang...not even close if you were wondering) this bartender from around the way. Anyways, she abruptly quit answering her phone, which was kinda odd, but I wasn't too tore up over it. About a week later, I walk into the beer store and there she is, holding hands with a guy I know who works there (ok, again with the honesty, I don't know him and he works there, I know him because he works at the beer store.) It was pretty funny cause I really wanted to go "oh, so this is why you haven't been answering my calls.....and this is why your ex-wife was in the bar last night hitting on my roommate telling us how you can't keep your dick to yourself."

Well, having moved to the other side of town, I haven't been getting to the bar she works at often due to my inability to keep my BAC under .08, so I hadn't seen or talked to her in almost a year.

Wednesday I walk into this new bar with some buddies, and there she is sitting with some guy who was obviously not happy that she turned to say hi to me, and of course the only place to get in to order is right next to her. So I go force some conversation, congratulate her on turning 21, ask if she's still working at the same place, whatnot and whathaveyou. Anyways, I get my beers and as I'm about to turn and head back to our table, guess who is sitting directly across the bar: the beer store guy.

Man, I bet she felt awkward.

It seems like bad things always happen to good people...

and I can't imagine how sad all this would be if that were the case.

My relatives brought up the idea of setting up a trust fund with any monies that come of this, paying a financial institution to manage the money and dole out a monthly allowance with interest gained, "just to be sure that Jacy doesn't go out and blow all of her money on something not worthwhile."
When they brought it up, I almost blurted out, "that really doesn't sound like anything Jacy would do...hell, that sounds like something I would do," but then I realized..."oh."

So yeah, if any money comes of this, Greenpeace, look for a sizable check from Jacy. Everyone else, it may be wise to invest in Pabst, Stoudts, and Columbian drug cartels.