lawyers.

Lynn: So do you just have an estate lawyer or what?
Goody: I have a team of lawyers, high priced ones.
Lynn: I've always known that I'd hear you say that phrase...
Goody: yeah, me too, I just didn't think I'd be on this end of it.

Stealing Jokes

Q: Which one of these doesn't belong: Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blow Job?

A: Blow Job, as you can beat your meat, you can beat your eggs, you can beat your wife, but nothing beats a good blow job.

stolen from eric miller, who stole it from something else.

In retrospect....

while spackling the 6 million thumb tack holes in my room, I now understand why my dad wasn't happy with me hanging every single comic book I owned on the wall...or later when I hung every football card I owned, or for when I punched holes in the wall for that matter...

One of these things is not like the others...

Bruce Wayne, Goody Good, Peter Pan, Peter Parker.

If you said Bruce's obvious lack of alliteration, I guess you're right but that's not what I was going for. Goody doesn't fit in, for while he is an orphan, he does not wear tights....yet.

It's a hard knock life

Life at the orphanage has been pretty so-so this week. My experience as captain of the rugby team has allowed me to rise quickly in the ranks of my street urchin rabble. I've instituted newspaper selling as a guise for our pickpocket operation.

However, the adoption process isn't going so well. Most of the people who come in tend to take the cuter, younger children. Also, most of the prospective seem to be either younger couples or older single women, while I'm sort of hoping to be adopted by either jungle animals or pirates.

Major shit storm...and I forgot my goggles

Two weeks ago...I think...I was cracking jokes about how my life was over when my hard drive crashed...and then last sunday the shit hit the fan.

Usually when I told someone that my parents are dead, it would be to get out of something I didn't want to do when I didn't have a legitimate excuse and didn't want to bother thinking up a believable one, which is what made it all the worse to tell people that my folks were killed in a car crash.

While trying to clean up the spray from said shit fanning, I have to deal with credit card companies.  It usually takes about 20 minutes to speak to a live person.  Which is why I was so angry when the first person I spent 20 minutes getting a hold of patched me back to the automated system.

Boscov's Credit Card Representative: "And are you the executor of Jean Good's will?"

Goody: "I believe so, I'm her son."

BCCR: "Well unless you're the executor, we can't do anything."

Goody: "Ok, I'm the executor."

BCCR: "We can't do anything unless we know you are."

Goody: "I could have just said yes before, you couldn't tell if I was lying or not."

BCCR: "Well I'll just make a note here."

Goody: "Ok, is that going to do anything?"

BCCR: "It lets us know that she passed."

Goody: "A payment is due monday, will we be charged a late fee if it's not in?"

BCCR: "I can't discuss the finances with you unless you're her executor."

Goody: "This week I buried both of my parents and my little sister is in a coma from a car crash that happened on the way home from her college graduation, but this phone call is by far the worst thing that has every happened to me."

Sucks to the gas shortage

http://www.foxbusiness.com/markets/industries/retail/article/trouble-brewing-hops-shortage-slams-beer-makers_538996_7.html

Beer prices are up due to a massive hops shortage. I just paid 47 bucks for a case of Fat Dog Stout...up like 7 bucks from last fall.

Fuzzy math:
355 ml per beer, so 710ml in 2 beers.
710ml is close to 750ml, which is a 5th.
Ergo, 10 beers = 1 Gallon
24 beers is then 2 2/5 gallons
2/5ths is almost half a gallon
2.5 goes into 50...let's see...multiply by ten and 25 goes into 50 twice, so twenty.

20 bucks for a gallon of beer.
I can ride a bike, but I can't have beer without hops...